just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
