Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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