We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
