This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just high enough for therapy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
