I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
