And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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