And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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