i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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