do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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