Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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