For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
