I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
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Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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