you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
