Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
