Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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