Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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