there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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