My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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