I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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