so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
