**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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