FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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