I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
