hotel room ftw
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
