No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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