I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The maid of honor just puked.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
