I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
