the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
