How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
