She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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