Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
