we're blogging at a bar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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