My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
