Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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