then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Even my vagina gasped.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize