Will you blow on my dice?
I think I died a long time ago.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
