I wanna bring you to show and tell
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
