Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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