he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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