And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
