I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
