I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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