I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
