Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
