He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
