Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
