I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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