morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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