we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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