3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
