Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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