Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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