Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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