He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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