My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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