What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
