he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
