So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
