why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize