I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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