My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
