So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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