Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
