put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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