Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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